What a month the Lord has brought me through. Many of you have prayed without even knowing the details so I thought I would share with you my journey…
On New Years Day Scotty and I found out that we were expecting our fifth baby. With thankful hearts and excitement throughout the whole Gibbons family we celebrated!
However, around the middle of January my nausea and fatigue were much more difficult than the previous four babies. By the end of the month I came down with a migraine that literally came out of nowhere. I had just returned home from being out with my older two girls and I told Scotty that I felt very sick.
After a week in bed with as little light and noise as possible, my doctor said to come in and check for twins since my hormones seemed to be elevated more than ever before. Sure enough, the ultrasound showed two sacks but only one baby that had made it. It was an emotional moment but God’s peace was there and I was thankful for the healthy baby. The doctor additionally said that I was dehydrated and needed to drink water and rest but if the headache worsened to go to the ER. And that is exactly where I was less than 24 hrs after his advice was given.
By the time I got to the ER, not only had my headache become stronger but I also had blood pressure of 88 over 42, was fevered, had started excessive vomiting, was even more dehydrated, and had stabbing pains in my back along with strong cramps in my stomach. The pain and exhaustion was more than I thought I could handle. I was quite the scene that day. I was moaning, throwing up, praying outloud, and asking Scotty over and over why I had to wait for a doctor and where is a bed! My heart went out to Scotty because of all the “drama” and I knew he wanted to fix it all but couldn’t.
To sum it all up, I was admitted that night and spent the next ten days being revived. In addition to the previous issues I had, I also became hypoglycemic, had low potassium, faced pain medicine reactions, had internal hemorrhaging from the lost baby, and also had a significant amount of rectal bleeding.
It was the darkest time of my life. I have faced trials but never had I faced so much suffering physically. In addition, the shock of it all gave me panic attacks that seemed to paralyze my entire existence. I had heard of people who faced those but never understood the depth of how they felt. All I could do in the midst of it was quote every scripture I have ever learned, open my Bible beside me and cry all while trying to take deep breaths. It was such a dark hour. I knew God was there and in His silence I trusted Him. I felt we have too deep of a relationship to do anything else. The hardest part was not understanding why I couldn’t be pulled out from the suffering. The only relief I had was thinking about heaven, in which I asked God to take me there. I honestly did and meant it. I couldn’t help but think that I didn’t want to stay on earth because all it was would be more suffering.
But, after many meds, an MRI, a couple of ultrasounds, a couple of doctors, and many nurses, and one day at a time, I am home. And although I still have nausea and vomiting, the worst is over! What a journey. I have learned something through all of this but before I share that with you, I want to thank all of you who have been a part of my recovery. Every prayer, FB message, text, email, phone call, card, meal, house cleaning, flower, balloon, babysitting time, and visit have carried me through. Every single act of love from you mattered. It was important and symbolic of God’s love. Never stop loving people and serving like you did for me when I needed it most.
Moreover, the main thing I learned through my suffering was to chase God in the midst of it. Whether it was a panic attack, discouragement, constant vomiting, or pain, seeking Him in the midst of the suffering was crucial. He did not take me out of it. The picture I had of Him was silent but stable and strong. My mind had the image of a huge, masculine God with compassion in his face and hurt in His eyes but He needed me to go through it and…He was there.
It took work on my part. I had to worship. I had to pray. I had to guard my words so as not to complain. I had to trust Him and not be angry. I had to read scripture. I had to listen to preaching as much as I could. I had to rely on people. I had to cry. I had to admit my humanity. I had to see myself for what I was…sick, tired, dirty, un-kept, uncomfortable, mentally cloudy, discouraged, purposeless, and needy. And, yet, I was loved and safe in the care of God.
Suffering on earth is a reality. But there is coming a day when heaven will be near and all hardships will cease…and I truly look forward to being forever in God’s presence. I don’t know what you are suffering right now, but I do know that there is hope. You are not alone. You may have to chase God too but He is there. And, He will come through for you. Even if your situation means death, He is the first there to receive you as you go from earth to heaven. He is truly the Savior.
And for everyone else that may not be in a time of suffering, you have much work to do for The Savior! Love people, serve the church, resist temptation, respect your husband, love your wife, train your children in the ways of the Lord, share your faith, give to the poor, help the orphans and widows, visit the sick and imprisoned, and encourage other believers…”work while it is day for the night is coming when no man can work”. God has you and I here for His purposes. It starts today, It starts right now. It starts right where you are with the resources you have been given. Give your all and let’s keep changing the world!
